I dare you to catch razor butterflies

Raging Hormones

Thursday, December 28, 2006

You know Jaryl, you're just like my friend, only he's alot smaller. He was every girl's bitch and people thought he was gay or something. Then one day he told me his hormones were all, ya noe, crazy.

- Leedeeya

Yes. I'm hormonal. Hormonal & Schizophrenic.
Thank god I'm not emo, well at least not yet. I've been having a little Artist Block with my poetry. I've yet to revamp my Duvet Detention. Planning to make it a little longer and to add some twists to the central theme in the poem.

Anyway, yesterday my hormones were mad. My brain and heart was all frizzled and i kept on thinking about dating & girlfriends. Sheesh, and this just had to happen when the year comes to an end. Come to think of it, this year was pretty un-dramatic compared to the others.

2004 was the whole "you were my close girl pal turned crush, now you wanna break off all ties " drama.

2005 was " i have a crush on you but i think i'm over you but oops i told you by accident anyway "

2006 was clean, spotless and loveless. Aside from my valentines day date, whom is happily attached right now ( no not to me ! )

So i just wonder, what's in store for me in the year 2007. Maybe i'll hook up with some junior. Maybe have sex with a teacher ( no Noreen, Jings & Deepa, not THAT teacher ! )
I recall being asked to give a speech to the parents when i was in sec3/sec4, about teens & stuff, and i yakked about how teens have raging hormones and its normal for them to get into all kinda troubles be it relationships, mood swings or even puberty.
And ALL the teachers had to make a fuss just cause i said " raging hormones ". Sheesh.

Well, just a few more days till the new year. Maybe i'll explore the dating world. Only when i'm ready physically and emotionally. By the way, last sunday's paper had this article on teens being more aware about the appearance and this fuckface dude said " Attractive people get treated better . "

FUCK YOU! ( eventhough it's true )
We shun the ugly, we tease the fat.
We glorify the beauties & worship the hunks.
That's life.

P.S

I dig the new "vulgar" entries. Expletives rock. Or so it seems.

May my hormones be good till the new year & may they not turn me into a horny sex maniac whore wannabe.

caught a razor butterfly at - 12:07 AM |

Deck the Halls

Monday, December 25, 2006

So it's Christmas & everyone is jolly, well not really. I think it's just me. I feel like the Grinch, all furry and conniving. As usual, i begged my mum not to buy my any presents 'cause i don't really believe in the tradition. Or rather, stopped believing a few years back.

Church yesterday was good. We stood at our usual place : the pillars outside the entrance. It's always crowded. I kept on peeking at the choir and made conductor gestures to myself.

Visited my loved ones at the cemetery just a while ago. Nostalgia was lacking till i reached my maternal Grandma's grave. Then i discreetly cried and started to remember how she would have a special tin of our favourite biscuits at home, how my mom resembles her so much, how i dreamt of her just a week back after 7 years.

I learnt today i have my maternal granddad's lips and nose. I have my mum's eyes.
I'm especially proud of my eyes.

Merry X'mas my friends. God bless.

- ... hope you find out the true meaning of Christmas xoxo

caught a razor butterfly at - 4:55 PM |

bored beyond words

Monday, December 18, 2006

You are The Fool

The Fool is the card of infinite possibilities. The bag on the staff indicates that he has all he need to do or be anything he wants, he has only to stop and unpack. He is on his way to a brand new beginning. But the card carries a little bark of warning as well. Stop daydreaming and fantasising and watch your step, lest you fall and end up looking the fool.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

how absolutely apt

You scored as Biology. You should be a Biology major! You are passionate about the sciences, and you enjoy studying cell growth and evolutionary concepts which enable living organisms to survive. Pursue that!

Biology

92%

Art

83%

Philosophy

75%

Journalism

75%

Sociology

67%

Theater

67%

Anthropology

58%

Linguistics

58%

English

50%

Dance

50%

Psychology

42%

Mathematics

42%

Engineering

33%

Chemistry

17%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

my dream come true.

no wonder i never did well in Chemistry and Maths In JC1 2005.

caught a razor butterfly at - 4:16 AM |

Rekindling

Sunday, December 17, 2006

I guess Friday was pretty screwed up with plans going haywire but at the end of the day, I was happy to spend valuable time with Lydia whom i last saw in August and Dean whom last bitch slapped me last Thursday. So it was all worthwhile scuttling ( my new fav word y'all ! ) all over orchard after spending a good time at Suntec's McDonald's, officially known as the Confession Box for the three of us.

Anyway, we talked about "stuff" and relationships. Once again, I'm the last one standing without any female/male projectile on my arm. Yes, I'm single and may or may not be loving it. If you've known me for sometime, i'm what people would label as confused, in every aspect of the word.

I find it really weird that people in school would deem me homosexual just by the people i hang out with and the cooky antics i get myself into everyday. No, i'm not ashamed of such a label, in fact, i've taken it into my stride. Gays are artistic, fluent, eloquent and good looking. Though the latter does not necessarily apply to me, it still persists as one of the "characteristics" of gays in Singaporean society or any society for that matter. Heck it if people think i'm gay or sissy, it can't be much of a bother anyway. You don't see any other dude in PJC who knows so many girls other than myself. I put the brainless git jocks in school to shame.

I was telling Lydia that i most probably would freak out if i were to have sex with my partner. I can't imagine looking at anything more foreign than my own genitals. I sometimes ponder why other males totally drool over boobs and ( ermmmm ) Vs. I don't think i would have the courage to have sex. Okay, that sounded way too weird. When i did an online test few years back, it stated my sex drive as only 7% while my bestie number two scored 97%. Embarrassing hor!

Aiyah, excuse my ramblings, i'm just waiting for the darn rain to subside so i can go Popular and get myself pretty pens and sketchbooks for me to doodle little hearts and swirls in it.

before i go, i think i look so gross. I might just start shattering all reflective surfaces in my house and turn into a hermit or a hobo or a vegabond or you

There are only so few girls whom i really appreciate . With them around, i don't need a girlfriend, boyfriend, drag queen, gay, lesbian or even a tranny for that matter.

With that, to the ladies in my life :

miee lubb eeeuuux

xoxo

caught a razor butterfly at - 4:35 PM |

Hoe Hoe Hoe

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

So we're two weeks closer to fake smiles 'round the dinner tables & merrily unwrapping time bombs glistening under cherry- red exteriors. How foolish we have matured to be and become.

If you know me well enough, you'd notice i don't really smile during the season of X'mas. Maybe it has to do with the fact that i'm an unholy turd whom doesn't seem to possess the littlest desire to even redeem my soul in church or maybe it's my father. Yes. Yes i'll put the blame on my father. It's always easier to blame your parents for the way you turn out. Always.

My emokid-self has resurfaced once again, and this time i think it might stay.

Say hello to Emokid

Last Friday was the last day of W!ld Rice CIP. Yes i felt sad for a moment, then i realised i was being the biggest hypocrite that day and sulked even more. Oh well. Everyone is hypocritical at one point of their lives. So this Friday i will be saying goodbye to someone i really really adore so much. It's so weird, how we seem so similar till people claim we even look like siblings. I love you Rez and please come back soon. And no, nobody will take over the places of you, Yina & Shar. Uniqueness shall be honoured, not replaced. Have fun.

Recently, i've been thinking. Have i held you back? No the "you" here aint Rez. Just that after i looked through some pictures and blog entries, i realised how demoralising it is to hang around someone like me. Crap, emokid Jaryl is feeling emo ( signature emotion of the year 2006 )

Oh, & why do people have so much faith in me or about stuff associating with me when i have the barest of faith in myself. Thanks JingLing for believing that out there, a piece of the puzzle exists waiting to complete me. But truth is, no matter what people say or think, i've lost that feeling a long time ago. I would'nt know my life partner even if she slaps me on the face and begs for copulation. This is all so stupid.

Title : Heart-beaten
please click on the picture for a better view and zoom in

I drew and coloured the heart myself.
So far i've had my fair share of bad & good comments.

How can it feel so nice?
Why does it feel so right?
I think ive been somewhere special
I want to go back there

Sleep
I think i will
Go back to sleep

Oh it's so cold and shivery outside my cocoon
Now i'm on my way

Sleep
Oh sleep
Sleep

caught a razor butterfly at - 12:21 PM |

Sip your white wine

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Bumping into celebrities was oh so common at the Drama Centre @ National Library. I met artsy-fartsy individuals such as Tan Keng Hua, Lim Yu Beng, Shanice, Pamela Oei, Najip Ali, Alfian Saat, Ivan Heng and many more!

Who would have though volunteering would be such incredible fun! Not to forget the countless moments for us to dress up and be glam for the usual days and GALA NIGHT! Met wonderful people like Ms Tigress's scandal, also affectionately known as Kenneth from SAJC and also Raksha the Rockstar also from SAJC! The NTU business people like Ken and Jasmine were sooo fun & friendly, not forgetting the interns from Laselle, Ina and Esther!

AND MY FAV OF THE LOT! THE CUTE MGS SEC 1 GIRLS!

i wished i were 13 all over again.

Our managers, Ellen and Nadia are superb man and we got job offers, if we are interested lah after the As. SIGH! SO COOL! AND IT GOTTA END THIS FRIDAY!

Well, i still have the PJC drama club right?

p.s i'm in love with Duvet Detention written by yours truly.

Medium : Photoshop CS
Title : Love (vector)

yes i did it myself!

* i miss them already !!

caught a razor butterfly at - 7:59 PM |