I dare you to catch razor butterflies

Anonymity Pity

Sunday, May 20, 2007

From the first time i listened to it on your iPod, I knew this song would stay in my head forever. I see nothing but pink frills and pastures in my head. The song bleeds my reservations away. Yes i do wanna cry each time i listen to it, forgotten youth & impossible infatuations. Yearning for lucidity seems ludicrous. Want to play in cotton - candy walls and sing in bark-brown oaks.

From the first time i listened to it on your iPod, I knew I was lost.

Brightly Wound - Eisley

It's happening all the time
When I open my eyes
I'm still taken by surprise
I hold sunlight and swallow fireflies
And it makes me want to cry

I love you

I shall never grow up
Make believe is much too fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow

(Sherri's singing)
We were walking there
And I had tangles in my hair
But you make me feel so pretty
You have shining eyes
Yes like those forest lights
And it makes me want to cry

(Stacy's singing at the same time)
I am just wishing you were there
So we could walk down to the stream
And we would throw all our leaves in
Seeing our dragon when we look

I love you

I shall never grow up
Make believe is much too fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow

I shall never grow up
Make believe is much too fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow
This place is so lovely
It kind of makes me very happy
Let's go far away to the humming meadow

To the humming meadow

To the humming meadow

I apologise for storming off on you, for being so curt and terse to the moment. You see, i was sick of wallowing in self-guilt and perpetual emotional breakdowns. I can't help but think i can't live up to the worldly expectations. Thanks for all those advice. Thanks Noreen.

Leave it all and say goodbye
Pull the trigger, let me die
Family, friends, balloons of all
I want to take the fall.
Tired of living, tired of your smile

P.S Hi namelessfuckanonymouspieceofshit! I have an idea who you are. If my suspicions are true, i'll see your fucking gutless face in school. And no, you're not cool. Not cool at all. Have a great year, you might need it desperately to salvage your sad attempt of being in the spotlight.

caught a razor butterfly at - 5:27 PM |

Loss

Friday, May 18, 2007

I'm afraid that with each passing day, your losing the glimmer in those eyes. Do we still keep the dreams alive, can we still see the final destination ?

Please trust me, I won't lie like the shards of glass we're all too familiar with.

I never believed that religion would provide us with faces, that it would present the anchor to our drifts wrapped in pink foil and ribbon. Ludicrous in my eyes, reveling in yours.
I always thought that my family was the greatest grounds for me, and God acted through them. I'm still on my search towards my faith, to find my place within all these hypocrisy.

Don't shove it down my esophagus.

You promised Gold & Sea Dragons, but all i got was a balloon. Pink. Smudged in pink. You picked me up, hoping that the wind might catch me. I fell and watched you drift away on your pink balloons and glitter-eyes. I hope to see you again someday, and i'll keep mine.
Too many things have been broken, mend it. And you promised me Gold & Sea Dragons
, and you promised me, you.

caught a razor butterfly at - 10:50 PM |

You Fall Ever So Often

Sunday, May 13, 2007

The blood boils and the emotions are erratic. The once tarnished canvas is in shreds and your name is on the wall. We look on to the black road, waiting for a pick-up, wanting to hitch a ride out of this mess. You taught me to hate myself or did i learn that from my reflection ?

7 days down to nothing in your blink. Missed connections, oh the ones! Nothing really makes sense nowadays, lost networks and hammocks of webs. Tell me I'm not in the wrong, tell me it's okay to be lonely everyday. Make me realise the pain in gain and the fun of our game. Need shots of alcohol, the taste of sin.

Boy kisses Girl in His Mind. Boy Dreams of Boy. Girls are Pain.
Mum I'm Scared to Hurt You and Leave You in this World of Fast Cars and Global Warming.

I feel like I've lost the control, the steering wheel is on my lap. Swerve and crash into an Elm or Oak. The rain is all i need. Maybe.

Tree Tops.

Thanks GirlWhoMakesMeLaughAndMakesMeHappy for Eisley. Listening to my heartbeat since I woke up. I don't want to like people anymore, so that I can still be alive.

Profound

caught a razor butterfly at - 9:32 PM |

Wander

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

I let my mind wander, in pretence that it would bring back the answers to my many questions. I always wondered what it would be like to see myself through the eyes of others, how it would be like to live their lives - luxurious or not.

My mother said that a man who loves his mother will grow up to become a great husband. I love my mum tremendously, so you do the math. My interest in girls has reach an ultimate low. I made a promise in 2005, to never let my heart skip a beat, to never let it fall for another. The hassle, the pain and the constant sweet nothings are merely that - nothing. It's been four years and i still think about the first. Experimentation, to let the bubbles broil in our embrace. Homogenous heartache in a homogenous world of machinised flutter.

I'm starting to consider Philosophy as a possible potential Major choice in University.
I thought that i would never look back a year and still miss the wealth in it all. I reckon, my mind enjoys this discourse. Maybe i enjoy it. Maybe i do. It gives me a reason to allow my heart to ache for the great memories of a lost class and lost friendships.

Maybe I'm just over reacting, but the trench between all of us is growing. The importance of each day drives the wedge deeper. We find ourselves constantly trying to assimilate in the cultures of school - of life. We use to walk down the same path, now we're on different days.

Different outlooks, different sets of skies. I think we're the same people.
I use to dream of phantoms and apparitions taunting the life out of me. Now i dream of white-finned blue fish flying out of waters so crystal, dancing before my very eyes. Dreams, our subconscious mind made conscious. I hope to sleep forever, to bring those I care for to that same state of slumber.

Those around me do not change. It is I. Only.

Would you want to sleep with me? Just jump.

caught a razor butterfly at - 6:46 PM |

Night Sky Woes

Sunday, May 06, 2007

I'm waiting for the wind chimes to sing me a story. A story of my own. The night was alluring yesterday. Despite the hour long ride and being very very late, the night backdrop coupled with a dancing toddler was good enough for me. Though I didn't really managed to appreciate A Midsummer's Night Dream at Fort Canning that much, it was a good experience.

" The moment you're aware that you're different, that's when you're normal "
- Brad Jenkins, Almost Normal.

How true. How absolutely true. I still recall begging my teacher to let me quit the Student Council back in Secondary School just 'cause i wanted to be a normal student. Clearly my perceptions on normalcy back then was distorted. Not only did it cost me Presidency, it was the start of my rebellion years.

Been in a "leave me alone" mood. I think it's funny - i always find it a need to cheer up my gloomy friends but when I'm in an all gloom-doom mood i find myself in solitary confinement.
I've been trying to hard too get up from my falls. Trying too hard to let my cuts fester.

Jaded and faded. I'll try my best to let my guard down. To be vulnerable, to be as humane as possible. I'll be like the rest of you. I'll pretend to be happy, pretend to cry, i'll pretend.

And I'll await another weekend, another night sky. To take me away, we'll fly.

caught a razor butterfly at - 4:38 PM |