I dare you to catch razor butterflies

翼の音

Monday, July 30, 2007

I always thought i would like to do something more interesting in this city. But in the end, I don't really know what that something is. But I came to realize something. I realized...
I probably can't do anything interesting by myself.

caught a razor butterfly at - 6:12 PM |

Need A Trippin' Life

Monday, July 23, 2007

I wanted so badly to skip school today again. I guess running away from the Lit Journal Submission is not a good thing, but heck it, i did lose my journal so yeah. Plus the stupid toad with her "i've an attitude" attitude (omg that so doesn't make sense!)

I'm starting to love parenthesis.

Watched Freedom Writers after Harry Potter book 7. Now that's what a good teacher is supposed to be. Not the few in school. Sheesh! With the obvious exceptions of a few of course.

Shortbus was bloody effing literary brilliant. If you guys are open to the open depiction of penises, vaginas, sex and homosexuality then i suggest you watch it. I've not seen a moving so emotionally provoking and accompanied with brilliant soundtrack since a while ago.

I'm writing the first chapter of a short story/book. Wish me luck.

In The End - Scott Matthew : Shortbus Soundtrack

We all bear the scars
Yes, we all fail in love
We all sigh in the dark
Get cut off before we start

And as the first act begins
You realize they're all waiting
For a fall, for a flaw
For the end.

There's a path stained with tears
Could you talk to quiet my fears?
Could pull me aside
Just to acknowledge that I've tried
And as your last breath begins
Contently take it in
Cause we all...get it in...
...the end.

And as your last breath begins
You find your demon's your best friend
And we all...get it in...
...the end.

caught a razor butterfly at - 8:27 PM |

21/7/07

Sunday, July 22, 2007

So i was periodically awake from 12am all the way to 6am, dozing off for a few minutes, anticipating my trip to borders in the morning to join in the queue for The Boy Who Lived. So i traveled alone to Orchard and waited in 3 different lines ( i know, my stupidity! )

$62.95 for the USA version. Brilliant book jacket and illustrations inside. So worth the money, though i'm far from a rich prat like all you in college!

Will bless you all with a full frontal picture post soon, or as my best friend puts it aptly:

Haziq: FULL MONTY Y'ALL!

There was something special about yesterday. Something i missed yet i knew i wouldn't understand.

Epilogue of Harry Potter book 7 is cheesy as hell. But i can't wait for the movie to come out! I would sure cry my eyes out though tears merely formed while i read this one.

August 3rd, sigh.

Red Hot Chilli Peppers!
- description of my spectacles by none other that haziq.

caught a razor butterfly at - 6:37 PM |

Alone But Far From Lonely.

Friday, July 20, 2007

So i missed the bus, the train and what other transportation that would take me to school by 7:40am. Being the newly baptised rebel that i am, i decided to take 190 all the way to Plaza Singapura and sat myself with a sausage mcmuffin and iced milo while i studied Oligopoly and read Sylvia Plath's autobiography. The tunes played were all from the 1980s and i loved each and every song while darting my eyes in between enclaves of social creatures. At about 10am, i knew i had to go and walked to the bus stop. I had a sudden desire to write so i whipped out my foolscap pad and wrote the following:

20th July 2007 a.k.a 2007.2007 10:20, at the junction.

I must be very well eccentric to revel in how the sun is beating down on me like i were an old dusty carpet. So hot that i could feel the convection currents of the Singapore dream - draped in red,white and lies. I saw a picture of Felicia,

19. 169cm. Multiple piercings on the ears. Nose piercing. Speaks fluent Malay. Might be confused for a Malay. Missing since 30th June 2007. If seen please contact Mrs Teo.

Numbers on numbers, pixellated pleas.

Traffic light oh traffic light show me the meaning of green.
Tell me that girls are meant to be mean.
Hold lust and hold life for they seem the same.
One day my death would mark out my name.

I guess I'll look up for a bus to take back to school when i feel like it. As of now, I still have several hours to burn.

sounds a wee bit amateurish but at least it was spontaneous. So i then headed to Lot1 library and read poetry by Ted Hughes till 1230pm and made my way to school.
It was good to be alone.
Yet i wasn't lonely.

caught a razor butterfly at - 7:51 PM |

Broken

Sunday, July 15, 2007

It's really weird. I was thinking about the song "Umbrella" and it immediately came on in my iTunes.

- When i was in primary school, i wanted to be smart because smart kids got attention and had enrichment classes like pre-secondary literature and got their haiku and poem recognised.
- When i was in secondary school, i wanted to be smart because triple pure students had a better chance of going to a good junior college ( or so i was made to believe by my peers )
- In Junior College, i realised it was all for nothing and we had to remake ourselves.

Am-I-Dumb.com - Are you dumb?

I broke my spectacles yesterday at the Night Safari, so i had to walk all topsy-turvy while balancing the spectacle frame on my nose. Sights and smells were accompanied by strawberry cheesecake scoops and random fun. Hanging fruit suckers with a kingdom of flames and of course the occasional smart little girly toddler who told Dean off.

"They don't go meow!"

I never take off my glasses 'cause my esteem feeds me with insecurities. It tells me i'm nothing without them, but hearing from Hikari and Dean that i have nice eyes helped boost my esteem a little. I always loved my eyes as a child. I loved them even more when i realised i had my Mother's eyes: hazel and bright in the sun. I rather keep them hidden for now.

( so harry potter-esque )

Portraits of Saturday soon enough.

We oft forget the meaning of silence and the song of the environment. 4 minutes and 33 seconds is all it takes.

caught a razor butterfly at - 12:59 PM |

What Colour Is Your Day ?

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Every Teacher Adores A Suck-Up.

Especially those who claim not to associate with such low life mother-effers. They lap up the butter from the silver spoons of those hypocrites. Don in ponytails and pink files, their skirts spell disaster and their speeches declare oratorical bitch venom.

Cynicism in Teck Whye Lane makes me sleepy.
Thus I don't study. Reaping wonderfully disgusting results.

Oh god, I wish it were legal to punch my class girls.
I'll start with the Toad and Minah first.

caught a razor butterfly at - 8:53 PM |

Tuesday, I'm In Love

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Tuesday was fantastic. Meeting up with Lydia and then bumping into Hikari and Joan. I couldn't have asked for more.

Low fat five flavoured buddy talks.
A walk of thousand steps in a city of thousand cries.

Re-evaluation of my current status has been beeping in my mind. I try not to sound overly bookish. Disentangled mind warps and a reminder of a past girl antique heartbreak of school uniforms.
Repeat mode on iTunes, want to know that I'm going to be a-okay. Newly baptised cynic in a world of midget bitch-mouths.
A class within a class with girls of many ages. Hiding is no longer legal in school. We flash our hate and anguish, hoping someone might notice us in neon auras.

Someone from 06A04: Eh are you guys free for class bbq on 21st July?
boywholovespurplehippos: NO!
Someone else from 06A04: Then National day holiday ?
boywholovespurplehippos: AlSO CANNOT! I MUST STAY AT HOME AND SING "WE ARE SINGAPOREEE!"

The librarian commented that I look fatter than my ez-link picture.

reality sure bites. like a shark

caught a razor butterfly at - 3:06 PM |

Writing One's Heart

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

I've reached a juncture in my life where i appear despondent about my surroundings and my future. Yes I appear such, but feel of it, not. It's rather hard to express my heart and blood in words. These words would not bleed the same way i would. It would not smile in moments of strife, but it would remind me to do so. My words would serve as landmarks to those in need of direction. It would navigate the lost and those wanting to be lost.

When we cut ourselves, we are united in knowing that the world is made up of vessels, carrying wine of the richest hues of red. But, wouldn't it be naive to be oblivious to the fact that each of us desire for a degree of exclusiveness within ? Where does this feeling come from, the feeling to be differentiated and specialised, yet seeking integration of a scale so large, that it is all we see in the world. The need to be different yet still being able to belong to a denomination of nature and it's society. When the stars stop flickering and the lions cease to pride, would we still be left with the names our fathers gave birth to ?

As a human being, I can't promise much. I'm susceptible to human folly and perceptions. We all try to be Gods of our own universe, yes we all try to do so. Those who succeed, tend to denounce blessings while those who fail, beg for them. I can no longer look at the world in awe and amazement. My eyes must measure and deduce. My heart no longer listens to the birds chirp, rather the music of economies and acceptance. My lips no longer whisper poetry, but mutter hate and love all the same. Finding one's heart requires one to lose it in the first place. Mine was never lost, it was always beating in my ears and veins. My feelings are returning. I'm starting to realise, that it's okay to be confused and it's okay to be alone.

There are times when i feel the need to dissociate myself from your lies and even your company. And then i remember.

caught a razor butterfly at - 12:36 AM |

For All Those Questions

Sunday, July 01, 2007

I was sitting on the toilet bowl and realised - our society doesn't value us for who we are and most probably will never will. No matter how much we love ourselves, the world might not reciprocate that same amount of emotions experienced by us.

I'm a victim of the media and merchandising. I watch television and wish i were that chiseled or that handsome. No matter how i try not to, the urge to build comparisons is inevitable. I can't help but feel ugly at times, and i know its wrong but the feelings are indeed there. Oh, yes i do love myself, but i often yearn for the validation of others. It's like drawing a picture and colouring it out of the lines yet seeking the gentle reassurance from your mother that your artwork is splendid. Yes, it's almost similar to that.

Our society values perfection though we are thought that there is no such distinction to such an idea yet the media advocates it with the six-pack abs and the perky breasts. I was reading the papers and realised how afraid i am going to feel upon enlistment. I'll be imperfect in their eyes. Imperfect. And Fat.

I admit, at times i'm way swishy-swashy and broken-wristed but i love being that way. I love having a sharp tongue and going high-pitched. I know there are many who laugh at me, think of me as ... but who said i had to please the world? I may be hurt by them initially, but it's my party in the end. I've decided, if anyone were to ask me i would say yes and see how they judge me henceforth. I'm tired of listening to those who deem themselves a level more perfect that those who already are.

I remember saying this in Lit class: " Perfection is actually imperfection "

It's our imperfections that make us perfect examples of the human race.
Like everyone else, I'm superficial at times and i do judge people. But I'm learning to come into terms with my imperfections.

As my lover said in her poem Munich Mannequins, "perfection is terrible..."
Indeed it is, but what's more terrible is a human being who thinks he is perfect.

.x and at this juncture, I've realised, i haven't really gotten closure from our three year stint.

caught a razor butterfly at - 11:27 PM |