I dare you to catch razor butterflies
yours truly

Jaey '19
ex-peps , ex-wwss, ex-saint, ex-jjcian, current pioneer
05S04 / 06A01 / 06A05 / 06A04
Geography, Literature, Economics, Biology
Zoology is my game
Bandsmen / Debator / retiredDrama-mama
-bite me and i'll bitchslap you to pluto



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LeeDeeYa credits to deviantart. / fox orian


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DISCLAIMER

unfortunately for you , im a male bitch i'm single, unabashed and some label as a gay-wannabe throw yourself in a duffle bag 'coz the epitome of hypocrisy is me kiss, kill, relish *smooches* and if this happen to make u say " GAYSHIT " then i suggest you go get yourself a half priced life during the Great Singapore Sale Free Web Counter
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Cuts & Scrapes For Boyhood
Sunday, April 29, 2007

Where do we find ourselves? Where do we run to, in search of the true meaning of selfhood ?

Watched Saved!, Beautiful Thing and Latter Days. 3 Movies only a few might appreciate but please no judgment. Really beautiful pieces, each with its own theories of love and/or religion. Sometimes we take the parameters set by our faith a little too far. We live by the books, forgetting that we are all made in His image, yet to be non cookie-cutter seems like a detrimental flaw to mankind. Why do we ostracize ? Why do we judge so often ?

I'm no way different yet in my many hours of people-watching, i do ponder about it. I feel like a drudge trying to outshine the stars and the sun, trying to hard to be in the spotlight.

Don't need golden fleece
Just give me some peace
Gonna learn to see what's in front of me
I want to give
I want to give not take
Everything seems so fake
Maybe it's just too loud
Maybe I am just too proud
Trying to get far, far from the madding crowd
Can't seem to catch a break
Everything seems so fake
Everything seems so fake


I'm peculiarly treating myself badly. Bouts of unnecessary depression. Plastic smiles and over-rehearsed laughter. I need to find myself badly. Hold my hands and lead the way, rhyme it with a better day. I want to smell the rain smudged grass and run through playgrounds. Being a kid would be an unobtainable solution. I'll give myself to you, I'll give myself to you.

// edit * Please take the quiz to determine if my Daemon is indeed a match ( Got it off Kari's)



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Week Ends
Sunday, April 22, 2007

Oh boy. This week has been nothing but me standing still while the world gains momentum. I remained clueless to many things; studies and homework.

Occasional funny moments kept me going and CIP at the Drama Center was a blast with the J1s.
Watched Mysterious Skin. I shall hunt for the novel. It was a beautiful movie and I'm in love with the geeky blonde in that movie.

I'm not a Subway and Candy Empire Virgin any more.
The Reaping was brilliant.
Walking around PS and dropping by your heartlands was good.

May the rain wash me away.
I wish the weekend were abit longer.
I need my fix, of the dreams of an unknown you.

Disjointed entry, this is.

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It's Gonna Rain
Saturday, April 14, 2007

This week passed so fast. I'm disheartened to a level so familiar, it doesn't really bother me anymore.
Drama has drained me emotionally. Not 'cause of the stress or the workload, but knowing that I'm losing people one by one. It's breaking me.

" I'm not interested in Drama anymore "

But nonetheless, drama makes me so happy. The laughter makes up for all the inner turmoil i experience.
I've finally found an avenue for me to showcase my poetry. I hope one day, they might be published.

There's this feeling bugging me, and i can't tell what it is. It creeps and makes me cross-examine myself so many times, yet i know it's pointless. I feel useless, obsolete & even stupid often. Nothing others say can eradicate those thoughts.

I really wish i were a girl. Things would be easier (for me). For once, i would be able to pass my damn NAPHA test. I can't seem to meet any of the male benchmarks for physical fitness. I wouldn't have to go to the army and leave my Mom alone.
My mom said she won't have anyone to talk to once I'm enlisted. My brother's busy working and comes home way late. My sis is too young to comprehend the problems of family and life . My dad is just a self-obsessesed jester who thinks the world owes him everything.
Though we fight, I still run back to my mom with the colourful tales of school and life , it warms me.

I wish God made me a girl. So my attributes would be more or less justified. I realised i don't hang out with many guys in school and have even lesser male friends. It does puzzle me, but I'm okay with it.

We all have such thoughts ; but carrying it out would spell pandemonium

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Sounds Familiar ?
Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Who Is An Empath?

Empaths are often poets in motion. They are the born writers, singers, and artists with a high degree of creativity and imagination. They are known for many talents as their interests are varied, broad and continual, loving, loyal and humorous. They often have interests in many cultures and view them with a broad-minded perspective. They are mother, father, child, friend, nurse, caregiver, teacher, doctor, sales people... to psychic, clairvoyant, healer, etc. (That is not to say that any of these categories are all empaths.) The list is extensive and really unimportant. It is more important to notice that empaths are everywhere--in every culture and throughout the world.

Empaths are often very affectionate in personality and expression, great listeners and counselors (and not just in the professional area). They will find themselves helping others and often putting their own needs aside to do so. In the same breath, they can be much the opposite. They may be quiet, withdrawn from the outside world, loners, depressed, neurotic, lifeĆ­s daydreamers, or even narcissistic.

They are most often passionate towards nature and respect its bountiful beauty. One will often find empaths enjoying the outdoors, beaches, walking, etc. Empaths may find themselves continually drawn to nature as a form of release. It is the opportune place to recapture their senses and gain a sense of peace in the hectic lives they may live. The time to get away from it all and unwind with nature becomes essential to the empath. Animals are often dear to the heart of empaths, not as a power object, but as a natural love. It is not uncommon for empaths to have more than one pet in their homes.

Traits of an Empath

Empaths are often quiet and can take a while to handle a compliment for they're more inclined to point out another's positive attributes. They are highly expressive in all areas of emotional connection, and talk openly, and, at times, quite frankly in respect to themselves. They may have few problems talking about their feelings.

However, they can be the exact opposite: reclusive and apparently unresponsive at the best of times. They may even appear ignorant. Some are very good at blocking out others and that's not always a bad thing, at least for the learning empath struggling with a barrage of emotions from others, as well as their own feelings.

Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them. This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs. In general an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker. Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavor to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together. If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control, and have a preference to peacefully resolve the problem quickly.

Empaths are sensitive to TV, videos, movies, news and broadcasts. Violence or emotional dramas depicting shocking scenes of physical or emotional pain inflicted on adults, children or animals can bring an empath easily to tears. At times, they may feel physically ill or choke back the tears. Some empaths will struggle to comprehend any such cruelty, and will have grave difficulty in expressing themselves in the face of another's ignorance, closed-mindedness and obvious lack of compassion. They simply cannot justify the suffering they feel and see.

People of all walks of life and animals are attracted to the warmth and genuine compassion of empaths. Regardless of whether others are aware of one being empathic, people are drawn to them as a metal object is to a magnet! They are like beacons of light.

Even complete strangers find it easy to talk to empaths about the most personal things, and before they know it, they have poured out their hearts and souls without intending to do so consciously. It is as though on a sub-conscious level that person knows instinctively that empaths would listen with compassionate understanding.

Here are the listeners of life. Empaths are often problem solvers, thinkers, and studiers of many things. As far as empaths are concerned, where a problem is, so too is the answer. They often will search until they find one--if only for peace of m
ind.

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Boo Boos all over
Sunday, April 08, 2007

Okay. Right. Hmmm. Erm, ya.

For the very first time, i felt that i mattered in Drama. It's like i never felt i was pulling my weight around Drama and with the new J1s, it feels that just maybe, i can showcase my leadership skills and hone whatever remnants of my mediocre acting skills.

I pray Lit week would be good. King Lear and Othello Dramatizations here i come! I'm playing Othello in my class's " Othello : Fashion Fever Skit ". I want to shine this week and the next. I want to muster up the courage to approach people with my poetry, to be brave to accept my fate.

A part of me is wishing i would be enlisted really early this year. I could take the break from family life. Army life seems rather enticing. I'm not expecting much - maybe a little weight off and get into the SAF band ? Time is really flying fast. I'm secretly dreading Pre-U sem. Its the company. Besides Faz, Joshua and Becs, there aren't many fuddy duddies around. I have to sleep in a room with some unknown PJ dude whom i would be too socially-retarded to interact with.

I miss being poetic and artsy. Haven't been churning out pieces for a long time.

I need more emo time in the toilet.
I feel like dating someone.
I want to get drunk and puke my guts out.
I want to kiss.
Get laid?

Right brain's insane; gonna use my left brain, left brain
Need to find my Mona Lisa.

i miss you Lydia

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Don't Get Me Wrong
Tuesday, April 03, 2007

There's always two sides of a story, two faces of a coin. Everything is paired up to showcase equality, balance.

It's what i've been looking for in myself for a long time. Equanimity is so hard to find in such turbulent moment. Yes i do agree with Gerry and Hikari. College has presented me a myriad of opportunities in my life, but like i said, the stand of it being a "hellhole" just adds balance. There are times where i clench my fists in retaliation to the obvious stupidity of the institution. Trying so hard to shape itself as a "cool school", obviously falling behind.

The reason why I'm still sane is due to my friends and my teachers. I'll forever treasure them. Yes it's old news but i always wondered what my life would be like if i were to stay on in SAJC/JJC. Life might have been better. Who (fucking) knows.

It's hard to play along with the masquerade in school, when deep down you're not a wee bit happy.
I'm getting there, so in the meantime, forgive me if i might have marred the image of the school many hold dear. Maybe one day, i would too.

We all have our sides to our stories.

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Poppycock
Sunday, April 01, 2007

I don't feel like going school anymore.


Thanks nessa ; i hope you know what a great time i had on saturday night

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