I dare you to catch razor butterflies

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Saturday, March 19, 2005

Have you felt that everything that happened was a dream.Maybe its just me..maybe its due to the insufficient amount of rest i et per day due to my sudden interest in being an insomiac..maybe just maybe.As we all tend to our own needs n whims...we have yet to realise our actions affect the people around us.Words...whether said or written tend to alter or modify a way a person thinks and a way a person is presented.As i lay on my bed in the morning..i cant help to erase the thoughts of the yesteryears.Instead of leaving me..they loom n lull me into a deep slumber.Maybe its all my fault..I cant seem to let go of the past..I am afraid to look at the future and i suffer the consequences of my actions in the present.It was all a mistake..all a fallacy...was i a fool to run away from my problems..Eversince the illustrious O's..everyone was celebrating..but for me..i sat n cried about my hopes..as i see them slipping away.Its too late to cry over spilled milk..yet i cling unto the past so desperately..combing the thoughts for an answer.Yesh i am open to say this..i think i fouled up my O's..i think i could have done better..yet everyone said i did well n teachers shook my hands but only those dear to me can see through my facade..its not strong enough to fool my loved ones..

Everything seems to happen for a reason..My tuba fell to its death today...It was dented..all my years tendind to it..in a total of four and a half years my tuba has finally met its defeat against the cold hard concrete floor...evidently a reflection of my irresponsibility.As i hear the bitter crash of the metal mixed with the frantic screams i am nothing but in a state of stupor.Maybe i am leavng too many things behind.I have not made many friends in JC but to those i call my friends there..i will always remember those moments..I can only look into the past..to find he answers i yearn for..the solution to correct my present and to see the friuts of labour in the future.I am worried..yes of course..behind my oblivious and sometimes dumb exterior lies a person very few know.Somehow i feel scared..My posting results will come soon..a dreadful though builds up in me..or maybe it has always been there..waiting for the roght moment to spawn..Will i start anew in PJC or will i stay in denial as my peers mock at my foolishness.People far cleverer than me are being cautious by taking the bare minimum and there goes a plump kid called Jaryl acting like a big shot...aiming for the moon when people know he is nothing more than the clouds compared to them.People have told me to follow my dreams..but i ask myself..how far will they lead me??..delusional??ambitious??..i myself have no idea..all i can do is wait...and seclude myself in my fantasy world..as i reminise the fun moments with teachers...schoolmates..friends..and of course..myself..i dread the answer..but i have no choice but to accept fate..or should i defy it??...

caught a razor butterfly at - 11:45 PM |