I dare you to catch razor butterflies

It's Gonna Rain

Saturday, April 14, 2007

This week passed so fast. I'm disheartened to a level so familiar, it doesn't really bother me anymore.
Drama has drained me emotionally. Not 'cause of the stress or the workload, but knowing that I'm losing people one by one. It's breaking me.

" I'm not interested in Drama anymore "

But nonetheless, drama makes me so happy. The laughter makes up for all the inner turmoil i experience.
I've finally found an avenue for me to showcase my poetry. I hope one day, they might be published.

There's this feeling bugging me, and i can't tell what it is. It creeps and makes me cross-examine myself so many times, yet i know it's pointless. I feel useless, obsolete & even stupid often. Nothing others say can eradicate those thoughts.

I really wish i were a girl. Things would be easier (for me). For once, i would be able to pass my damn NAPHA test. I can't seem to meet any of the male benchmarks for physical fitness. I wouldn't have to go to the army and leave my Mom alone.
My mom said she won't have anyone to talk to once I'm enlisted. My brother's busy working and comes home way late. My sis is too young to comprehend the problems of family and life . My dad is just a self-obsessesed jester who thinks the world owes him everything.
Though we fight, I still run back to my mom with the colourful tales of school and life , it warms me.

I wish God made me a girl. So my attributes would be more or less justified. I realised i don't hang out with many guys in school and have even lesser male friends. It does puzzle me, but I'm okay with it.

We all have such thoughts ; but carrying it out would spell pandemonium

caught a razor butterfly at - 2:18 PM |