__ dear Jaryl
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Dear Jaryl,
I noe its hard being what u are now. I'm realli happy tht ur not ashamed of your status but why do u still brood in the dark?.. ur juniors lloked up to you as a role model yet u refuse to believe so. You told me that u never wanted to be anyone special yet somehow thts exactly what u became. Was those times u struggled against the student councill back in your secondary school really neccessary?.. Do you remember back in secondary two when we went for the Prison visit n you bravely told the warden that using the cane on individuals was totally inhumane?.. ur friends were'nt really happy abt ur comment, evn the teacher seemed rather hesistant to acknowledge tht u were in fact right in a way. Jaryl, at that moment i realised that u were a staunch believer of morality and all things right. I still recall those days u would enjoy just being urself in school, juggling between student councill responsibilities n ur studies. There was once when i was standing beside u in secondary one yet u took no notice of me. U were being chided by Mr Tom Ho, he said " even a karong guni man can give better work than you " and u were so depressed tht u cried. I saw Dean leading you to the band room aftr tht. It was then tht i realised u weren't as strong as i thought u were. I'll never forget the other time u bawled when Mrs Vergis scolded u and u felt insulted. Golly.. u sure are sensitive.
U might not have noticed but i was there when u felt lonely in Sajc and when u were part of a team in JJc. I noticed that u finally settled down in PJC after such a long time. Was it becoz u had Dean to ease the transition?.. Did u feel ostracised when almost evryone u met insisted n perceived u as an arts student? i was the person constantly telling u to ignore them but it seems u allowed their words to mess up your OWN perceptions. U never were good at letting go.. n i guess it led to ur own demise...
I guess its a new begining now. Why dun u want to go back Westwood animore? i tot u saed band was your life force.. goodness u even went for band during ur O's and look where it got u... i wonder how everyone would react.. " jaryl?.. jaryl retained? " will they laugh their head off? i guess u would feel like just posrting anotice to inform everyone abt ur fate.. golly.. i wonder if u have the mental tenacity to go on.. Believe me its no use hiding
I realised u saed tht u do not realli miss ur ex-class rather a select few. why sae such a thing?.. dun u want the hugs n kisses ur frenz who miss you gif?.. i guess ur a different Jaryl tht i knew.. u dun laugh like before, u dun behave like before.. Heck! u dun even dress like before. I kinda miss the old Jaryl, the one who studied n followed the rules strictly. sometimes i feel like washing my hands clean frm all this. Just try to make things work out Jaryl, rectify the wrong..
oh ya n about the gerls in ur life.. remember tht particular gerl who made u shiver just at the thought of her?.. remeber wad she saed?.. " i'll never forget guys who declare the love for me ".. guess she went back on her words huh?.. dun worrie Jaryl, ur blessed with the perferct girl-friends now.. but they'll leave u soon enough ya noe.. i hope tht u wld cheirhs them alike..
i love you jaryl u noe i do.. its just sumtimes u drive me mad when u get all sulky.. i wish u were the Jaryl i knew back then.. pple change i guess..
C'est La vie
yours truly,
your conscience
i would prefer for those who read this to not acknowledge this entry.. i dun realli wanna feel any empathy at the moment.. sigh
caught a razor butterfly at - 7:40 PM |
